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The Crystal Gazer<\/strong> (Columbia\/Screen Gems, Phantasy, 10\/10\/41 – Sid Marcus, dir.) – This was sometimes a fallow period for Columbia output, with several projects that are essentially flops. This is one of them. Marcus appeared to be trying to make a star out of a recurrent nameless moron character (who I suspect was modeled in an attempt to be similar to Dopey from the Seven Dwarfs), who repeatedly appears in such episodes as \u201cThe Cuckoo I.Q.\u201d. \u201cThe Cute Recruit\u201d, and \u201cThere\u2019s Music In Your Hair\u201d. In this one, he plays a stage mystic as if performing on the theater stage. An onstage announcer fields questions from the audience for the mystic to solve – getting only one response – a lady who asks if she should put whipped cream into her potato salad. (This is a plot?) The dumdum mystic spends about half the cartoon straining his brain (if any) to come up with an answer – and getting nothing. He finally resorts to gazing into a crystal ball, which takes us on a completely extraneous view of his past expedition to Egypt (providing some of the only action of the picture). A sign on the desert reads, \u201cMurphy\u2019s Split Pea Soup, 2 miles\u201d. A sphinx whistles as traffic cop, to let cross-traffic through in front of the mystic\u2019s camel in the form of a gray-hound bus. A sign on a temple, seeming to be written in hieroglyphics, is turned upside down by the mystic, revealing in simple English that \u201cThe key is under the mat, Toots\u201d, signed \u201cCleo\u201d. Inside the temple, mummies abound, reaching through panels to pull in the milkman\u2019s milk bottles and leave out the empties, and to play checkers with each other. One even ventures from one mummy case to another that serves as a phone booth, and phones in a bet for \u201cTwo bucks on Sea Biscuit in the thoid race.\u201d All of this, however, becomes pointless, as the mystic breaks out of his trance and returns to the present, with nothing seemingly accomplished – yet announces he has the answer to the lady\u2019s question. \u201cDuh, no\u201d, he replies. After all this, even the announcer is sick of him – he picks up the crystal ball, and drops it soundly on the mystic\u2019s head for the closing. <\/p>\n\n
For lack of another plot to fit them, the whole thing was virtually rehashed over again a few years later, in River Ribber<\/em> (Columbia, Color Rhapsodies (though only exists currently in black and white), 10\/4\/45 – Paul Sommer, dir.), with the following changes. First, Professor Small is considerably redesigned. The train is exchanged for a Mississippi paddlewheel steamboat. The good luck\/bad luck charm is a rabbit\u2019s foot instead of a mirror. The ghost appears as \u201cCaptain Nobody\u201d, at the helm of a rival \u201cghost\u201d ship, the S.S. Spook, challenging our heroes to a race for a stake of $13.00. The race of course goes afoul for our heroes when Small tosses the rabbit\u2019s foot overboard as \u201cnonsense\u201d – but their sunken ship rights itself when Tall finds the foot again, and makes short work of the ghost ship. Hailed as speed kings of the Mississippi, the duo are given a parade, and again wind up in the laps of two beautiful women. The exact same ending is reprised, with Small tossing away Tall\u2019s rabbit\u2019s foot into the river, and everything disappearing – this time transforming the duo\u2019s parade wagon into a trash wagon, whose contents are dumped into the river – Tall, Small, and all. <\/p>\n Lucky Lulu<\/strong> (Paramount\/Famous, Little Lulu, 6\/30\/44 – Seymour Kneitel, dir.), has been thoroughly reviewed in my previous article \u201cMagnetic Personalities\u201d, this website. Again, this tale centers around the superstition of obtaining a good luck charm, in the form of a lucky horseshoe – which unfortunately becomes magnetized in the process, giving Lulu all the bad luck she can handle. <\/p>\n![\"\"](\"http:\/\/cartoonresearch.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/Prof-small-tall-color-rhap.jpg\")
Professor Small and Mr. Tall<\/strong> (Columbia\/Screen Gems, Color Rhapsody, 3\/26\/43, John Hubley, Paul Sommer, dir.), mentioned in my previous article \u201cToons Abhor a Vacuum (part 2)\u201d for its brief use of a vacuum cleaner, now takes center stage for its true focus – an attempt to debunk superstition. In the opening sequence, Small (the tall one), and Tall (the small one), work aboard a train, selling, \u201cPeanuts, popcorn, vitamin pills\u201d. As Tall vacuums up peanut shells, he somehow comes across a horseshoe, and tells Small it means good luck. \u201cNonsense\u201d, replies Small, and tosses the shoe over his shoulder – straight into a mirror, which breaks into shards. \u201cNow ya done it\u201d, states Tall – \u201cSeven years bad luck.\u201d \u201cWhy, good gracious, man, this is the twentieth century, not the middle ages. Nonsense. You and your superstition….\u201d His speech is abruptly interrupted, as the entire train falls off a trestle into a river. The next scene finds Small and Tall at the bottom of the river, seemingly the only survivors, and miraculously engaging in conversation despite being underwater. Small can\u2019t for the life of him figure out why what just happened happened, nor why Tall is busily engaged with a pot of glue (non-water soluble, no doubt) assembling shards of the mirror like a jigsaw puzzle. Small insists they should get going, and we next find our duo aboard a railroad hand-car, attempting to cross the desert. They reach an end to the track, with a sign reading \u201cDead End\u201d. Going back the other way, they find the track behind them has disappeared, blocked by a second \u201cDead End\u201d sign. The ghost town of \u201cSpook, Nevada\u201d fades into existence before them (with additional notation on the station signboard reading, \u201cElevation: You\u2019re right next to heaven, brother.\u201d) A wacky ghost hails them from the radiator of a Model T: \u201cTaxi, boys? Taxi?\u201d He takes them to the Creeps Hotel – which is the only other building, right across the street. The ghost also runs the hotel, and engages in a sequence of Abbott and Costello-like wordplay trying to figure our which one of the two is Small and which is Tall – driving the ghost to near insanity – to the point where he even pops up dressed as Adolf Hitler and blows his own brains out with a revolver! The ghost then escorts them to an invisible room, accessed from a back doorway of the hotel appearing to drop off to a sheer cliff. The ghost simply walks \u201cin\u201d, defying gravity, touting the room for its \u201cmagnificent view\u201d, \u201cSouthern exposure\u201d, and for having \u201cdouble spring mattresses – like sleeping on air\u201d, which he demonstrates by lying down on nothing. Small and Tall are sold by his salesmanship, and attempt to enter – of course plummeting into the canyon below. \u201cAre you all right?\u201d, calls out the ghost? Small and Tall answer in unison \u201cWe hate you!!\u201d<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"http:\/\/cartoonresearch.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/small-tall-235.jpg\")
A slide announces \u201cMore years of unfortunate misfortune\u201d. Tall and Small trek the desert aimlessly, with no water in sight. A well turns out to be empty, except for a reappearance of the ghost, who greets Small, \u201cHiya, needle nose\u201d, then disappears along with the well itself. Meanwhile Tall continues assembling pieces of the mirror with the glue pot. A small possible rain cloud drifts overhead, but doesn\u2019t rain. Small, resigned to hopelesness, attempts to dismiss it as some sort of Indian smoke signal. Tall insists it\u2019s a cloud. \u201cWhy must you torment me so,\u201d says Small pathetically. \u201cCan\u2019t you see I need water! Water!\u201d As Small breaks into tears and insists he\u2019s dying, Tall glues in the last piece of the mirror. \u201cLookee, I got the mirror together\u201d, shouts Tall. \u201cSo what\u201d, replies Small. Instantly, the cloud above them rips apart, dousing them in a waist-deep flood of water. Then, set to the tune of a heavenly angel chorus, the cloud starts raining dollar bills upon them. \u201cHeavens! Greenbacks!\u201d, shouts Small. As they wade in a pile of the bills, a limousine drives up from nowhere. Four turbaned black palace guards out of an Arabian Nights picture emerge, bearing items of fine clothing. They surround our heroes and quick-change them into tuxedos and top hats. And inside the car are two gorgeous babes! Tall and Small enter the car, which drives off with them lounging in the laps of the two beauties. \u201cWhy? Why should all this happen to us?\u201d inquires Small. \u201cThe mirror\u201d, replies Tall, holding it up to Small. \u2018Nonsense!\u201d, retorts Small, and tosses the mirror out the window. It shatters again. Suddenly, everything – car, tuxedos, girls, and even the backgrounds – fade away and disappear, returning Tall and Small to their railroad outfits and the burning desert. Our final shot shows Small frantically joining Tall at the glue pot, again trying to reassemble the mirror, while Small unconvincingly attempts to verbally save face: \u201cThere is absolutely no scientific basis for this silly superstition. None, do you hear me? None! – – – none.\u201d <\/p>\n
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<\/a>The Beach Nut<\/strong> (Lantz\/Universal, Woody Woodpecker, 10\/16\/44 – James Culhane, dir.) – Woody\u2019s done a great job of messing up Wally Walrus\u2019s perfect day at the beach, and the chase is on. Wally pursues Woody into a carnival midway, but loses him. However, he spots a carnival booth with signs reading, \u201cYogi Yoyo. Sees All, Knows All. Palms Read and Greased. Missing Woodpeckers Located.\u201d Entering the booth, Wally walks into a giant gong marked, \u201cRing for Service.\u201d He rings it again, and Woody enters, dressed in a swami\u2019s turban, and riding a flying carpet. In the manner of a WWII bombing crew, he shouts out flight instructions to himself. \u201cPilot to Bombardier. Bombardier to Navigator. Navigator to Crew. Prepare for crash landing. That is all. Roger!\u201d He power dives at Wally, stopping just short of his nose, as a mechanical hand pulls the carpet out from under Woody and he steps neatly onto a table top. He addresses Wally : \u201cFat boy wish to ask Yogi question?\u201d Wally answers, \u201cYah! Yah! Vere is dat little redhead? Vere did he go?\u201d Woody ponders: \u201cUmmm….That\u2019s a toughie. Yogi must consult stars.\u201d In a borrow from Felix\u2019s \u201cFuturitzy\u201d, Woody pulls out a mallet and bops Wally on the head, so that he sees lots of stars – but in an original twist, the stars reposition themselves into the shape of a neon arrow pointing offscreen, with the letters, \u201cHe\u2019s in there\u201d. The arrow points to a curtain. Wally tells the \u201cYogi\u201d, \u201cYou open the curtain, and I\u2019ll grab him.\u201d Woody obliges, and Wally only succeeds in jumping through a concealed plate glass window, back out into the street.<\/p>\n